I find myself in a season of deep reflection. I guess that’s
pretty normal for me, but this time my reflection almost feels like physical
pain. I sat on my back porch this morning and I wanted to cry but had no energy
to do so.
I feel tired.
I feel sad.
I feel angry.
I feel disappointed.
I feel worried.
I feel overwhelmed.
Lately it seems that everyone that crosses my path has MAJOR
life issues going on. I could name at least a dozen of our closest friends and
family that are facing life altering moments in their lives right now. Who am I kidding? I'm struggling too. How about you? I feel like I'M personally drowning in transition and uncertainty and it is making me down right crabby (right, honey?). So, what do I have to offer my friends that are gasping for air when I'm drowning in the same boat? My
temptation is to carry all these burdens, and hence the flood of raw emotions.
You better stop judging me because I know I’m not alone in
this. Just because I love Jesus doesn't mean that I’m a robot and can just
magically turn off my emotions. You see, when I hear that my dear friend has
been cheated on, I get pissed. When I feel forced into a corner and treated
like a child, I feel angry. When I sit with a friend that is overcome with
depression, I feel sad. When I see God’s people tear themselves apart, I feel
overwhelmed by disappointment. When I see people consistently turn their back on Jesus and enjoy a life of sin, I feel worried for their souls. When I feel like I'm in a season when everything, I mean everything, is HARD, I feel beyond tired of it all.Oh, don't get all worried for me. That's not what this is about. What I want you to see, my friend, is that it's OKAY to be REAL with how you feel. When life sucks, it's okay to admit it.
I was sharing with a friend the other day some of these
emotions and the response just blew my mind. “Tirzah, what in the world are you worrying
about?! Just trust God. All of these things will work out.” Okay okay, I know
all the bible verses that tell me not to worry, and I get that. BUT MAYBE, JUST
MAYBE, we would be a better witness to the people around us if we would actually
show our humanity sometimes and STOP PRETENDING THAT LIFE IS ALL ROSES. Why is
it that when we place our faith in Christ, we feel the need to wash up our OUTSIDE
when we are in absolute turmoil on the INSIDE?????
I’m sorry, but when I sit with a dear friend and hear the
news that her teenage child is pregnant, it’s not my first instinct to say, “oh____,
everything is going to be okay.” Um, well it’s not going to be okay so why
would I say that? Yes, God can use anything for GOOD, but is that really what
she needs to hear in that moment? Uh, no.
When I sit with a friend that tells me “I feel like a failure
in life in every possible way”, I’m not going to just brush over that with pat
words. These words of grief are real that cannot be healed by cliché comments.
So, if you are reading my rant today, I just want to simply
ask you this, “Are YOU for REAL?”
Next time a dear friends comes to you with a struggle, will
you do them the great honor of keeping your stupid cliché comments to yourself
and just listen with empathy?
Will you pause next time you’re forced to stuff YOUR emotions
and trust that God can handle your authenticity with Him?
Did Jesus judge the man that said “Lord, I believe but help
me in my unbelief”? I think not.
I feel like I’m swimming upstream in this life of
authenticity. Will someone join me?
