Our Marriage- The Perfect Mismatch

It was 1997.  I was 18 years old and had just made the biggest decision in my life.  I left my broken family behind and I ran as fast as I could away from the life I had desperately wanted freedom from for so long.  I left my boyfriend of 2 ½ years who promised to follow me to Chicago if I wanted him to. I left my poor little 12 year old sister all alone with my parents who were hanging on by a thread.  I knew if I didn’t run I would die…maybe literally.  I couldn’t take one more day.  My boyfriend moved me into the dorms at the Moody Bible Institute and I started down the path that would forever change my life.  I cried myself to sleep that night.  I was terrified.  I cried myself to sleep not only that night but for the next 4 months.  My roommate also came from a broken home. We shared tears and horror stories and were no help for one another.

Every day I would wake up and put on the “happy Tirzah” face and try to show the world I was BRAVE and STRONG.  I did a really good job fooling people.  Or so I thought I did.

Day 2 at Moody Bible Institute:

I was free.  No one was watching my every action.  No permission had to be asked.  I could be my own person…but who was that person?  

Welcome Week was full of all kinds of festivities and they were handing out candied apples during a Freshmen Social in the courtyard…yummm...my FAVORITE.  Problem.  I couldn't bite the apple because of all the horrible stress sores in my mouth (a common issue I had most of my childhood).  I looked around at all my new found “brother floor guys” and thought it would be fun to see if one of them would start the apple for me.  Of course they say no.

Little did I know that someone named Bradley Caffee was just sitting back watching my little escapade.  He thought to himself “if she comes over here and asks me to help, I’m going to take the biggest possible bite I can!”  So, just picture this…I walk over to Bradley and without hesitation he takes my apple and literally eats HALF OF IT!  We laughed our heads off and that’s when it happened: “LOVE AT FIRST BITE.”  I know...cheesy.  

It was in that very moment that I looked in to Bradley’s eyes and I saw something I had never seen in my life.  I saw genuine character.  He treated me with a respect that I had never experienced in my life.  We started talking more and more over the next few days and slowly I began to let Bradley see the fear and pain that was filling my heart.

After my parents separated just weeks after I left for college the weight of the responsibility to hold them together overtook me.  I went into the kitchen and got the biggest, sharpest knife I could find.  As I look back, I know I would never have killed myself but at the time I really thought I would.  I sat next to my bed and called Bradley.  I told him I was done with all the pain.  He started to cry on the other end of the phone.  What?  Why should he care?  I was a no body.  But he did.  He prayed for me and said he was going to stay on the phone with me all night until he could see me at chapel the next morning.  That boy might have just saved my life that night.  Man, that image still takes my breath away.  Jesus must have been smiling down on that young 19 year old boy for his genuine love of the stranger he was loving.

I wish I could tell you our entire story.  It still blows me away.

Here’s the deal though.  When Bradley and I met we could NOT have been more different from each other.  In every way you can think of, we were opposites.  People looked at us and criticized the match.  Our parents doubted.  Friends doubted.  How could such a different couple actually make it?!

I’ll give you an example why:

Several months into our dating we had started to hold hands a lot.  Bradley knew I was coming off of a very unhealthy physical relationship and he started to get worried.  He came to me in his very Bradley kind of way and told me we needed to take “a break.”  I was devastated.  We had never officially started dating…it had just kinda happened.  I thought he was going to cast me aside and I literally didn't know if I could take it since I was in such a fragile state as it was.

After two agonizing days he called and told me he was ready to talk.  I’ll never forget it.  It was Fall and we sat on a bench in the courtyard… I braced myself for more pain.

Bradley looked into my eyes and said something that rocked my world.  “Tirzah, you are an amazing woman.  I have spent the last few days seeking God about our relationship and He has told me that I need to help us guard our relationship so it can last.”  What?!  He wasn't dumping me?  I was special?  Me?

Freshman year at MBI- we were 18 and 19 years old

He went on to tell me that God had shown him that there are several aspects to a healthy, godly relationship that need to grow in proportion with one another (intellectual, spiritual, experiential, physical, and emotional).  Hope I got that right.  Anyway, he told me that he wanted to take the time to really know me and make sure we were growing in ALL aspects of our relationship before we let ourselves become too close physically.  What?  A guy that was going to respect me and have boundaries?  Whoah.

This set the precedent for the rest of our dating relationship and honestly exemplifies our marriage today.  Bradley and I have an unwavering commitment to honor God in our marriage.  When we hit road bumps due to our differences (and oh my WORD there has been MANY), we get help.  We have spent hours in counseling and I’m not ashamed to say it.  We have chosen to not live as victims from our childhood pain.  We have chosen to forgive freely and often.  We pray together.  We cry together.  We get mad at each other, but choose to deal with it in a healthy way and don’t let it fester (although, I have gone to bed mad many nights...I'm not sure in what world people have the energy to always kiss and make up before they go to sleep!).  We make fun of each other and how “weird” we feel like the other one is.  We embrace our differences.  Did you hear that?  Did you know you can embrace and actually fall in love with someone’s differences?  They really don’t have to be road blocks at all!  Dang.  Gotta love hind-sight. 

So...why do I share all this with you?  Well, today is our 14^th anniversary.  Today I'm reflecting and rejoicing on my gift of Bradley.  When I look at my gorgeous, amazing, God-fearing, husband, I see my perfect, mismatched mate.  Yeah, we may look goofy on the outside to the world, but that is what I LOVE so much about us.   I firmly believe it is our differences that God has used to help us be even more effective for His purposes, and I am excited to see how that continues to play out in our life.

Bradley, I love you more than words can express.  You have shown me love like no other.  I am excited to grown old and saggy with you; having the adventures of a lifetime by your side is my total JOY. 

Forever your mismatch,
T

Caffee Family May 2014