Is authenticity a curse word to you- Part 2

I've been accused many times of being “just a bit” too honest.  I don’t feel the need to hide my struggles.  I don’t hide my pain.  When I’m mad…people can generally know right away.  I’m passionate about justice.  I speak my mind.  I don’t let people push me around.  BUT, there are definite pros and cons to this kind of personality.

For years, my version of being an authentic person was the willingness to tell anyone anything about myself.  I learned the hard way that this is NOT HEALTHY. 

Maybe it’s just me, but have you ever spilled the beans about something personal and then you walked away feeling “naked and exposed”?  Oh my goodness, I hate that feeling.  I get this horrible pit in my stomach and wish I could rewind time and tell myself to SHUT UP!  I feel like I’ve spent half my life shoving my giant, size 9, foot in my mouth.  (Seriously, how many 5‘3’’people do you know with such huge feet!!!)  While I take responsibility for my overreaction to my openness, I have to say that my response is also coming from the fact that I have often been harshly judged by my Christian friends.  They feel uncomfortable with my honesty and in turn decide to judge.  Ick. Ick. Ick.  Oh, and by the way, I’m not casting stones because I have done it too. 

I know books have been written about this topic for years, but my personal opinion is that we have an epidemic level issue with this whole topic of authenticity.  What I had modeled to me in the church growing up is totally not what I want to pass down to my children.  The world calls Christians “hypocrites,” and they are not wrong to do so.  We are.  I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but come on, people…why are we so afraid to be who God made us to be?  We say the right things, preach the right things, but in reality have such a hard time being REAL. 

Okay, focus Tirzah...

The main thing I wanted to talk about today are some of the differences I see between authenticity and transparency.

As a believer, I believe we are called to be authentic with everyone in all circumstances.  In later posts I will talk about the need to truly know WHO you are in Christ before you can really even embrace authenticity, but that’s a huge topic for another time.

So, transparency, what is that?  In “Leading and Loving it” Wilhite/Wilson give a nice definition of the difference between authenticity and transparency.  They say “Being authentic is being genuinely you no matter location, situation or audience…it’s just being the imperfect yet uniquely gifted person you are.”  In comparison, transparency is, “being completely see-through.  It’s allowing people into the deeply personal, private side of your life, sharing your intimate struggles, celebrations, challenges, and victories.”

I love that.

But, we are people of extremes.   I see that either people stuff and hide who they are and what they are feeling OR they constantly dump their junk and suck up your emotional energy with their drama every time you’re around them.  Spiritual Vampires!!

A few years ago I felt the need for some honest evaluation of my relationships and realized that I had a massive problem.  I was addicted to relationships.  I’m a people person…It’s an easy thing for me to have happen.  Stop judging me…I felt it.  Just kidding.  : )

The major problem I saw was that I had WAY TOO MANY friends that I was trying to sustain deep relationships with.  I sat down and wrote down every friend that I was having weekly, monthly, daily contact with and it totally blew my mind away.  In hindsight it kind of makes me sick and exhausted to remember that old way of living.  It’s easy to make relationships an idol, isn’t it?  You do it in the guise of wanting to be an “encouragement to people in your life” and all the while you’ve put yourself in the place of God, feeling that these people really need you in order to make it in life.  As my daughter likes to say “GROSSNESS!”

I looked at the life of Christ and decided to model my relationships after His.  He had the crowds, He had the 12 disciples, He had the closer 3, and then the closest 1.

I encourage you to stop now and make your list.  Who are the crowds in your life?  This can be your Sunday school group, your church friends, work friends, etc….

Now, take a moment and write down your 12.  Who are the 12 people in your life that God has called you to walk through life with?

Next, who are your 3?  These are the ones I would say for sure should be those you are completely transparent with.  Do you have 3?

Lastly, who is your 1?  For some of you, your spouse is your 1.  I believe that should go without saying.  I actually think we need to have a friend even outside of our spouse that can be at a level 1 with us…someone that asks us the hard questions and keeps us accountable to how we are living out our spiritual journey.  Anne of Green Gables would called this person a "kindred spirit."

So, I leave you today asking you this question.  Are you addicted to relationships?  Are you willing to take an honest evaluation of your life and make some drastic changes?

On the flip side…did you take the chance to evaluate your life and realize that you don’t even have a list of 12 much less 3 or 1?  I would challenge you that it might be time to let go of your pride and invest in some life-giving relationships in your life.  People will judge you…accept that as part of life and make the choice to embrace who God made YOU to be.  You are a special and beautiful creation of God.

Remember, God made us for relationship.  God is glorified seeing us love well.

I have to just end by saying that this is not a one-time process.  Our life circumstances ebb and flow as do our relational connections.  That’s just part of life.  Every relationship is given to us for a reason and a season.  I have to say that taking myself through this deep relational evaluation has been life-changing for me, and I hope it will be for you too.

Digging Deeper,

Tirzah

Divine Interruptions-Do they annoy you too?

I’d like to say I’m a patient person. In most contexts I think I do pretty well (although, maybe it’s best to ask my sweet husband that question!). But, one of the hardest times for me to be patient is when I am totally consumed in something or someone, and I get interrupted. I can get so frustrated when my plans get messed up! Am I alone in this?

Why is it that when God shows you a truth He seems to immediately give you a little “practice session.” Grrr. I really hate that.

I mean, how would YOU respond when your husband gets a new car (that you’ve been saving for forever!) and 10 days later someone backs into it?? Not. Cool. Would you like to know what he did? Keep reading.

A few days ago I was talking with a friend and sat for hours listening to her share about how her whole world is crumbling around her feet. How do you deal with dissolvent of so many of your hopes and plans for your family and future? How do you deal with it when things happen that are totally out of your control and your whole family’s path seems to be utterly and unchangeably interrupted? Interruption can rock your world.

With so many thoughts of interruption on my mind this week, it was interesting as I opened up John 9 and God totally had me see this scripture in a new light.

John 9:1-3
"As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

Woah.

Think about the blind man’s parents. Can you imagine the excitement of bringing a child into this world, and then finding out the devastating news that he was BLIND? Imagine the condemnation they must have felt from others that it was their sin that caused this poor child to be born blind! That must have really interrupted the plans and dreams they had for their family.

And, the poor child…Imagine the possible condemnation he must have felt his whole entire life. If the disciples questioned the cause of his blindness, I’m sure he must have felt that from others as well. A life interrupted.

But, I just LOVE LOVE LOVE what Jesus said to the disciples, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

Isn’t that so cool?

I keep thinking, “Wow, God allows interruptions in my life so that others can see the works of God in me!” It totally changes the way I view being interrupted. I’ve started thinking of them as “Divine Interruptions.” I guess you can also call it God’s sovereignty, but I like my name better. Ha ha.

So, friend, I don’t know what is going on in your life, but do you feel a bit interrupted lately?

Are you struggling in your relationships with a loved one?
Have you recently lost a job or are struggling in your career?
Are your kids going down a path that is devastating them (and you)?
Have you lost a child, parent, sibling or friend and it's still devastating you?
Do you feel like life just keeps throwing you a curve ball and you don’t know what to do next?

Here are three things to consider as you pray about your current interruptions:

1.) Are you viewing your life’s interruptions through the lens of God’s great plan for your life?
Jeremiah 29:11-12
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me,
and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

Isaiah 55:8-9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts

2.) Are you allowing these Divine Interruptions as “practice sessions” for becoming more Christ-like?

Colossians 1:10
“…walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.

and lastly,

3.) Are you looking for opportunities to let others to see the work of God in you?

John 9:3
“It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

Hang in there, my friends. I know that life is going to continue to throw us all curve balls!! Wouldn’t it be cool, though, if we could actually use these interruptions as an opportunity to allow others to see the works of God in us?!

So, I know you’re just dying to know how Bradley responded to his little interruption last week. Let me just say I think He handled it marvelously. He had such amazing grace and compassion on the kid. He did not give in to the temptation to be angry or even frustrated by what happened. He looked at it as an opportunity to show this young man that his faith is more than just words.

I’d love to hear YOUR stories. Have you had any divine interruptions that have given you an opportunity to let God shine through you this week?

Digging Deeper,

Tirzah

Is "authenticity" a curse word to you? Part 1

Can you think back on a time in your life when something happened that just TOTALLY transformed your life?  It could have been a good or bad circumstance, but either way, it had such an impact that you know your life will never be the same??

I can look back on lots of different key things that God has allowed in my life that dramatically changed me, but probably none more than what God took me through about 5 years ago.

All the details don't really matter, but the heart of the matter is that God allowed me, for the first time ever, to really come to grips with who I am in CHRIST.  I was so emotionally and spiritually stripped down for this season in my life, that much of what happened is still a blur to me.

Maybe sometime I'll write a book about it...nah!!  ; )

The interesting thing that happened to me was that the more I came to a biblical understanding of who it was that God made me to be, all my relationships started changing.  I realized that my lack of understanding of who I was in Christ was having a negative and very unhealthy impact on my ability to have godly, Jesus honoring, relationships.

Even in this moment as I write this down, my hands are shaking because the feelings of way back then are still so vibrant in my heart.

As you read this blog, you will see that much of what I have to say comes from a DEEP passion for embracing who I am in Christ.   I'm overwhelmed about what to even write because I have so much on my heart that just wants to come spilling out.

For starters, I will just let you have insight into my walk with God this morning.

My mentor has me reading a book called "Leading and Loving It" (Wilhite/Wilson).  It's a book written to pastor's wives and women in leadership.  It's a good book, but more than anything it has just been good for me to take the concepts and use them as building blocks to process what is going in my context right now.

There is a chapter about friendship and one of the main topics was about the difference between authenticity and transparency.  I especially loved this because this is totally one of my soap box issues.

As I was walking this morning, I felt God was asking me, "Tirzah, what is authentic to YOU?"  "Nice question, God!"  I walked for a bit more and then had to stop by the lake and write my thoughts down on my phone.  Here is what came to me:

"To be authentic is to know who I am in Christ, embrace who it is God made me to be, and to live that out with unwavering confidence...no matter what comes my way." 

I'm sure there are way better definitions out there, but I was so excited that God gave me that clarity this morning.

Authenticity has become such a buzz word in Christian circles.  To some of us it may sound more like a four letter word than a godly character quality.  Whatever category you find yourself in, I think somewhere in all of us, we so badly want authentic relationships in our life.  We want it, but we don't even know what it's supposed to look like because all of us crazy hypocritical Christians have messed it up somewhere along the line.

Here are a few things that authenticity is NOT:

1) It is not an excuse to just say whatever is on your mind
    (I say this from experience...and not always from the receiving end!  Yes, I'm a dork sometimes.)

2) It is not an excuse to share a prayer request that in reality is just gossip

3) It is not laying your spouse’s garbage out for the world to hear

4) It is not an excuse for spiritual arrogance

and the biggest one in my mind...

5) It is not the same as transparency (more on that later...don't judge me till after you read part 2)

My belief is that until you have that firm understanding of who you are in Christ, authenticity just becomes an act. 

Okay, I think that’s enough to process for now! 

Digging Deeper,

Tirzah

A little insight into my soul...BE WARNED!!!

My mind has been tormenting me about starting a blog for about a year now.  To be honest, I’m not even sure why.  I’m not a “groupie” so I kind of avoid all the popular people or the latest Christian band- wagons.   Don’t get me wrong, I’m KNOW there are many great blogs out there and many godly people that are definitely worth following.   I just honestly don’t have the time or energy to read them consistently.  Am I alone in this?  Well, I guess so if you’re reading mine.  Ha!

So, here I am.  I’m going to take a little leap and see where God takes this in my life.  The weird reality is that I’m not too concerned if people don’t read my thoughts.   I’ve come to this peace in my heart that I just need a place to let some of my crazy thoughts out on “paper.”

For my first post, I will just share some little facts about me…how self-centered right? 

I’m a Jesus follower-I love Him and He’s the absolute most important thing in my life

I was a Pastor’s Kid

I grew up as the 5^th of 6 kids and was home-schooled for 11 years.  My favorite thing growing up was when people would say, “Wow, I totally didn't guess you were home-schooled!  You’re so normal!”  Isn't that the coolest compliment??  Here’s another fun one, “That’s great you’re home-schooled, but what about your SOCIAL LIFE?!”  I’m sorry ma’am, I’m only 7, what is a “social life?”  Ha ha!  If you know me at all, socialization isn't really a weakness of mine.

I received my BA from the Moody Bible Institute where I met the most amazing man to walk the face of this earth.  He is seriously so patient with me and loves me more than I ever imagined I could be loved.  We've been married for just about 14 wild years.  Wow, I’m getting old.

We have two stinking cool kiddo’s.  Our daughter is 9, going on raging-hormones 13, and our 7 year old son still wishes I could change his diaper and give him a bottle.  Just kidding…he is seriously one of the kindest little boys I've ever met.  He kisses me on the cheek every night and tells me how great I am and that He wants to be a “faithful follower of Jesus”…what more could a mama want? 

My parents divorced when I was 22 and I’m still recovering from that…not sure I ever will this side of heaven

We lived in Dallas for 2 years and attended Dallas Theological Seminary where we learned how much we didn't know...a very valuable lesson to learn.

I work full time as a Marketing/Sales Director for our amazing family wedding venue in North Carolina.  Check us out: www.ahweddings.net I absolutely love what I do.  BUT, I often feel guilty that I like my job…Christian circles tend to makes us women, especially pastor’s wives, feel bad about working.  Why is that?

I've been a pastor’s wife for 12 years.  We spent almost 10 years in youth ministry, and associate roles and then for the past 2 years my husband has been a lead pastor in a small church in Orlando.

I love evangelism

I love people

I love biblical counseling

I ache for people when they ache.  Major confession: sometimes I care more about people’s issues than they even do.  Big no, no!!  Lesson learned…I hope.

I get really mad at stupid people

I’m impatient with self-centered people

I show my emotions… unapologetically (is that a word?)

I crave authentic relationships

I hate being misunderstood…who doesn't, right?

I am sick and tired of CONSUMER CHURCH...oh shoot, I just barfed in my mouth.

I don’t hate gay people, non-Christians, divorced people, tatted up people, pierced people, or even the people that have tried to destroy my family and life…more on that in future posts.

I struggle with dissatisfaction…I’m never okay with status quo and hate the idea of coasting in life

I’m too serious sometimes and too silly other times…I’m 35 but still feel 21 in my head…does that feeling ever go away?

I have a HUGE, I mean, HUGE passion for knowing who I am in Christ and embracing that knowledge fully

My personal opinion is that authenticity is one of the rarest and most precious gifts in a relationship

I have a couple people in my life I’m struggling to forgive…how’s that for authentic?

I want to make a difference in this world, and sometimes struggle that I’m not “doing enough for God.” 

Oh, and one more really important tidbit about me…I often punch my husband when he’s sleeping.  He’s snoring next to me right now, but it’s 2:46am and I guess I can’t blame him. 

More to come soon.

Digging Deeper,

Tirzah